So lately, i’m craving to write more and more. Maybe it’s the anxiousness and nervousness inside. The inside turmoil. Thunderstorm. Which doesn’t stop. Keeps coming back. And obviously writing about my own feelings, my people, my little bubble that I stay in.

This phase is quite tough. Having moved to another city, not even for a job but an internship. Where I am getting nothing and spending heaps. I feel guilty about spending so much at times, but this is something that is going to reap benefits in future. It’s tough to stay away from family. Mom, Nephew, Brother, Sister-in-law. And then there is a void. Papa. It would be selfish and insensitive to say but if he would have been here, I wouldn’t have been where I am today. And it’s only in my thoughts that I am going to make him proud of me one day. Because anyway he wouldn’t have approved of me doing what i’m doing today. I just long for that relationship even more, when I hear people by my side calling their fathers, talking to them, posting pictures with them. It has been so long that he visited me in my dream. I feel the need to hug him, talk to him, ask him to get some things sorted for me. But no. He’s just not there to help anymore. I didn’t realise ever that he wanted me to be independent, follow my dreams, do whatever I want, without any limitation from his side and he would go to this extent to make this happen. He just left, for me to be free.

I’m not happy with this strategy of his parenting. Anyway, have to deal with it. Because he is my father, and I have to oblige. No say in front of his actions and stubbornness.

Hope to hug him and love him in dreams soon.