Is there a phone signal,
Up there?
I wonder as I dial your number.

A number never ever forgotten.

I saw you walking towards me,
The image of you.
Your blue and white striped collared tshirt.
(of which you owned a few similar ones)

I saw your friends chatting at a corner of the road
Talking about you.
Timely or untimely, who knows,
Your death.
(of the pain that you endured)

I saw an image of you.
Coming home with candies and chocolates.
Of whatever was the best available.
In our little town.

I saw an image of you.
Running after the school bus.
Because I missed it,
Because of you,
Because you were obsessing over,
My unironed uniform.
Because you were polishing my shoes,
Cleaning the stubborn dust.

I saw an image of you.
Teaching me how to swim,
Near the stairs of the ghat, (how cute of you)
In the fast flowing river,
Scared to let go of my hand,
You held me so tightly.
Because I might get bruised,
Because I might get hurt.

I saw an image of you.
Crying to me,
To let go of my silly school crush.
To focus on studies.
Another time you bawled like a kid,
Fortunately, or unfortunately, who knows,
About…
(I wish I knew)

I saw an image of you.
You were breathing your last.
I was telling you about my exams,
As I was shoved out,
Docs tried to shove life in you.
I saw them giving you shocks through the damn Defibrillator.
And I wonder, did the doctors kill you deliberately?
Or you just gave up?

I wonder,
Why do I miss you after such a long time?
When I was glad till this whole time.
Just give me any sign,
That you miss me too.
It's haunting,
Your laugh that pierced loudest in the room.
Mom's shrieks and wails that scars my sleep.

Why do I stomach churningly crave,
And I can never explain the feeling exact,
For a hug that can last a lifetime?
For the hand that clutched me tight?
For a forehead kiss that you gave me one time?
For the father’s protectiveness that I resented long back.
I need it back.

Is there a phone signal,
Up there?
I wonder as I dial your number.

-uk