Tied together,
By verbs and words.
By mutual love and lust,
And with common interests.

Broke together,
By silence and fights.
By individual trauma and needs,
And with common hatred.

There's no court to justify,
No law to defend.
Is this why it's easy to break up? …

The journey back home,
After an evening,
Reminds her,

Of the comfort
Inducing hugs.
Of their connection,
And annoying sloppy cheek kisses.
Of thier music
Filled love making.
Of every note,
That struck their chords together.
Of every tastebud,
That savoured together.
Of every nail touch,
That he made faces at.
Of every syllable,
Of his funny sexy laugh.
Of chasing jellywish undies,
And hiding…

I read this somewhere-

I have this weird thought coming in.
So I love hearing people's story about their families. There's this sense of happiness-I-never-felt-before about it. And I really crave for that feeling.

At the same time, I don't want to be associated with my family. I've cut off…

'I would love',
Is my inspiration today.
The vocab seems to be stuck,
In quicksand.
The more I write,
The more I sink.
But the intention is to,
Come out of dilemma,
'To be or not to be.'

To be the 'remember-with-tears-and-smile' poet I want to be,
To not be…

The grown up child,
Breathed nostalgia.
As he witnessed,
The old black up and down switches,
On a wooden board.

Smell of the old hometown,
And grandma’s room.
With cracked yellow walls,
And an air that reeked of broken dreams.

The slowness of snail.
In grandpa’s walks.
The quiet afternoon,
When everyone’s…

I feel
The pull back
Into a new life
Far far far...
Hand slipping
From my past self

The same song is playing
As when I met you

I feel
A new breath
Leaving behind stones and sand
Losing grip
Of a younger self

I feel
Scattering of my pieces
Floating in space
Looking at ant sized particles
From outer world

The same song is playing
As when I met you

I feel
Far away


I look down, developing dizzy.
People, cars, trees, roads, all a chaos.

I hear the wind, winding monstrously.
Top floor & constant anxiety.

I touch the drops, dropping away.
Looking above & asking for mercy.

I smell the earth, soaking rain.
Wishing it doesn’t soak the poor’s homes’

I taste…

Pause! You.
Freeze! Time.

I want to rewind.
To the beginning,
Of the day.
And restart,

It's going haywire.
Started not too bad,
With watching the sun rise, usual.
Pulling the new curtains to the side, unusual.

Too much noise in the morning.
As soon as I open my door…

No, I wasn’t close to him.
I was in fact, afraid of him.
The persona of that man,
Who was my dad.

No, I wasn’t close to him.
Yet I tattooed him on my hand.
The energy of that man,
Is what I am.

He hid his storms,
So perfectly.
Like the…

I dreamt about.
It washed away,
The dirt on my window,
And sadly,
Sedimented memories,
In my mind.

It was flooding.
You and me were separating.
It was a walk.
You were holding my hand.
And suddenly,
Water started filling up.
The stairs.
And also my eyes,
We had to let go of our hold.
The long stare,
Of goodbye,
Of not knowing dead or alive.

It's a mixed feeling,
When I see you in the dreams.
I long for you,
Yet I don't want you.
And happily,
I can wash away,
These sedimented memories,
In my mind.

Water, I dreamt about.
Whatever, it meant.
Shakens my core,
But I can't care anymore.


Utkarsha Kohli

Existential Crisis.

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